Getting Older
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Tips on Growing Old


1) Enjoy each day to the fullest...you are one year closer to the end.

2) Get acquainted with the WonderBra...that way your boobs at least
look like they are where they are supposed to belong.

3) Don't let it bother you that the clothes you wore as a teen are
back in fashion again as "retro mod"...but now you are considered
too old to wear them.

4) Don't go to the doctor's thinking you are in pretty good shape
for someone your age...he'll make you feel ancient without ever
saying anything, you are probably graduated from high school
before he was born.

5) Always remember to have your story straight ahead of time as
to why your stiff and sore in the morning...you should have
remembered last night that you are not as young and agile
anymore...of course, no one would believe that anyone your
age would ever do anything like that anyway.

6) There is nothing wrong with picking being taken out to a fancy
dinner instead of a night of passion...since people of your great
age get the same afterglow after the heartburn quits and you
didn't have to wash up afterwards (the kitchen).

7) Don't get upset when a sales person calls you "Ma'am"...they
could have asked if you wanted a Senior Citizens discount.

8) Don't let the hairdresser upset you when she asks for a photo of
you when you were younger...so she can see what color your
hair used to be so she can "cover the grey".

9) Don't get upset when you go to a cosmetic counter for a makeover
and the salesclerk calls the supervisor over because she doesn't
know where to begin...and the supervisor just throws up her
hands and shakes her head.

There are more, but since people your age eyes are going and your hearing
isn't what it used to be (better check to see if anyone was calling you) and
you are probably having trouble holding this this long, better go get the
BenGay for that arthritis. Just remember that these are the BEST years of
your life!

by: Randi Hazelton Beasley
1999

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